I really don't know where to start, but I suspect many fans who could not be there yesterday need to know what on earth happened to our QPR, so though it's painful to recollect, I'll try to be as honest as possible.

Deepdale was a new ground for myself, so this particular trip was always going to be a special one. The first thing which struck me on entering the ground was how it's going to be a nice stadium when the current building work being undertaken is finalised. Two big stands, one opposite the end where the way fans are housed, and the other behind one of the goals.

A terrace behind the other goal is soon to be changed into an all seated area, as is the side of the ground where we were, a smallish terrace with seats above, running from the home terrace up to the dug-outs and tunnel (half way along that side). On reading a copy of one of their fanzines, it's clear that PNE have big ambitions, a club who five years ago were in division three, and who are now planning for their future, the Chief Exec gives an interview outlining their plans for the future of Preston North End FC.

We went in the seats and were directly above the tunnel and dugout. My immediate thoughts were Hmm, could be interesting watching Gerry from this position. So, the game kicked off, the team being: Miklosko, Baraclough, Rose, Morrow, Darlington, Connolly, Peacock, Kulcsar, Wardley, Ngonge, Kiwomya.

Peter Crouch had failed a late fitness test at 1pm that afternoon which meant the front pairing of CK and Ngonge.

But who was the replacement forward man on the bench? Richard Pacquette? Bertie Brayley? No, despite rumours of a couple of our under 19s being given a place on the bench, our substitute striker was Iain Dowie! Oh dear.

So onto the first half. We actually mounted an attack within the first 5 minutes of the game, a pretty decent move involving Peacock, Ngonge and Kiwomya. It was straight after this that Preston hit the woodwork, a shot from Brian McBride, a player who not so long ago had been recommended to our club by a QPR fan living in the US. He also had another shot that just went whistling past the post not long after.

Our one corner in that first half didn't really amount to anything much, Stuart Wardley getting on the end of the ball who headed it down towards Kiwomya but who couldn't connect with it. The PNE keeper, Gary Parkinson, gathered the ball, kicked it straight down the middle, Brian McBride again made a good run into the box but good defending by Stuart Wardley (who'd run from one end of the pitch to the other) and thankfully the ball was cleared.

At this time, it was backs to the wall stuff, and though Ludo at one stage just literally threw himself at another close range shot from McBride, it was quite worrying as it seemed to be all one way traffic, some quite resolute defending, though we weren't winning any balls in the air. I think our last attack came on around the half hour mark, Darlington crossing the ball into the six yard area, but Wardley could only manage a pretty tame headed shot on goal. So half time, and as we'd stood firm, I thought maybe, just maybe, we might be able to get a point from the game.

However, within five minutes of the restart we found ourselves a goal down, a good cross into the area, it seemed as if the player who reached it (couldn't see who it was) was lining up a shot, but he passed to Jonathan Mackem who was unmarked and scored an easy goal. Five bloody minutes into the second half and we were losing. We tried lifting the players by some half hearted singing and not long after George Kulcsar had a shot.

However, only moments later the event which was to effectively put a stop to any thoughts of us clawing our way back into the game occurred. A terrible mistake by Gavin Peacock, who was being hassled played an awfully short ball back which went straight to the feet of Mackem, Matthew Rose didn't have a chance of getting back in time to challenge for the ball and he slotted the ball past Ludo with ease.

It was bad enough going 2 goals down, but I have to say that for a Captain, Gavin Peacock's actions which followed immediately left a lot to be desired. Instead of holding his hand up and admitting it was his error, he stood there ranting and raving at Matthew Rose, a couple of other players joined in, and that basically was that. Heads dropped, confidence was zero and it was only going to be a matter of time before Preston scored again.

In fact, it was only five minutes later. Another cross from the ever lively Healy, McBride shot, Ludo just seemed to watch, and the former Columbus Crew player got the goal he'd deserved all game. By now, we were an absolute shambles and 3 minutes later, yes just 3 minutes, we were losing 4-0. It just seemed as if we had given up and Healy this time scoring the goal which brought to life the anger and rage of some of the QPR fans who were on the terrace.

A group ot them made their way to the barrier near to where the tunnel and dug out is situated to vent their anger towards Gerry Francis and Iain Dowie. A line of police appeared and the atmosphere among the away fans became very strained to say the least. In the seats, words were exchanged between various supporters, a couple of passionate female fans started to lose it, whilst many others didn't know whether to laugh or cry! With 15 minutes remaining Karl Ready and Tony Scully came on for Steve Morrow and Karl Connolly, and shortly afterwards Scully himself made a run through the middle and shot on goal.

The final goal came courtesy of a freekick, the ball broke loose, a Preston sub, Iain Anderson, got the better of Darlington, ran into the area, lined up his shot and scored with ease. When the final whistle was blown, I specifically went down to the front of the stand right in front of the tunnel to watch the players reactions. Every single one of them just walked straight down, looking straight ahead, not acknowledging anyone or anything.

Gerry walked in first, head bowed eyes to the ground. Iain Dowie and Gavin Peacock were the last ones to walk down it. I have read the earlier postings about Gavin and I can categorically state that I did not see his lips move. He just shook his head. I was most upset with him following the second goal (almost lost my voice by shouting at him to admit his own mistake and stop looking for a scapegoat) but swearing at the fans? No. If he had have done so, then imagine the reaction of the supporters who were congregated around that area. Certainly no indication that a player had bad mouthed them. Unlike at Stoke City a few years back when both Simon Barker and Karl Ready got into a war of words with supporters following our defeat there.

Coming out of the ground there seemed to be an element of disbelief amongst the Rangers fans. Even the stewards and police sympathised with us. Whilst walking back to the coaches, a small group of us who were rather irate (females mainly) glanced upwards towards some of the open windows around the main entrance of the ground. We must have been making ourselves heard because we saw Antti Heinola and Peter Crouch looking outside, so as we knew they were watching we sang a chant of "Harper is our keeper." Doesn't help our situation, but it didn't half help us feel a bit better by way of getting that off our chests!

So what of the players who played yesterday?

Ludo? It's now 14 goals in 4 games. Of course I wouldn't want to be the final link in our shaky defence but quite frankly he should not be our number one keeper at this present time. I don't know what has happened with Harper but even if he has had a massive fall-out with the management, what right have they got to put their personal feelings before our goalkeeping situation?

Baraclough? Unfortunately, his confidence seems to have gone. Such an important player last season, but what has happened to him since he's come back from his injury?

Rose? See Baraclough above.

Darlington? Typical Jermaine. A couple of good crosses, a couple of dire ones. Would take on a player or two and then run straight into them. Frustrating.

Kulcsar? One of the few players who came out with any kind of credit from yesterday. At least he tried.

Peacock? Apart from his error and the tantrum which followed (surely holding his hand up and admitting to his mistake and putting an arm around M Rose would have been a more professional stance to have taken?) didn't really notice him much.

Connolly? A fair first half. Seemed to go to pieces in the second. Shame.

Wardley? I'm going to bore everyone now but Stuart was honestly the only player who came out of the game with any real credit. In the first half he was involved in each of our rare forward moves. He was also involved in a lot of defending. In the second half, once the onslaught had taken place the only player still prepared to tackle, make forward runs (he made a good cross into the box late on but Ngonge couldn't connect) and rather more telling was the only one still looking at the bench for instructions. Thank you Stuart Wardley for still giving me faith in a QPR player.

Michel Ngonge? No comment

Chris Kiwomya? Was not involved in the game. Oh, except to get involved in a handbags incident towards the end of the game.

Tony Scully? Play him next week. At least he was prepared to make a run or two and take on players for the small amount of time he was on the pitch.

Karl Ready? As we were 4-0 down when he came on, it was far, far too late for Karlos to make any kind of impact. Got a couple of challenges in but also did the usual Ready thing of climbing over players.

So what happens now?

Personally, I've gone past anger, I've gone past sadness, I've even to a certain extent gone past being depressed. The stark reality is that we are so depleted, that unless a miracle happens, we're going down. And that is the first time I have admitted that this season. I touched briefly on fear yesterday. And fear is the one thing that MUST be uppermost in all of our minds. Because, despite this club being a total mess, the burying their heads in the sand is a scenario currently being undertaken by the hierachy at QPR. And it frightens the life out of me.

I read Andy Lynam's very moving words regarding Iain Dowie (as he walked off yesterday) and I have to say I was moved to tears. He may be part of the problem but, as was proved on Thursday night, he is man enough to face up to this current situation and takes things on the chin, and for that alone if I were Chris Wright and/or Nick Blackburn, I would take that one defining factor into consideration and would immediately appoint him as team manager until the end of the season.

And one other thing. As Alan Curbishley, Alan Smith and a Coventry City player (can't remember who it was) have done so in recent weeks following awful defeats, I would at least expect a public apology from Gerry Francis to the fans who made the trip yesterday. But I suspect even a public apology would come from Dowie.